my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
