I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
