We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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