ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
