I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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