I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
