I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
