Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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