I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
