At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
