Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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