her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
