Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
