Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
