So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
