I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
