Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
