Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
