ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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