I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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