I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
