wanna go halves on a baby?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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