the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize