do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
