The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
