I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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