So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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