Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
