I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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