Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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