one might say we're banned from that church
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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