Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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