so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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