i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
