so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
