i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
