My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
