Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
