Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
