i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
