I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
