I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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