I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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