Im at strip club and am horny
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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