real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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