We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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