She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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