he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
