Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
