cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize