If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
