Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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