omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
