i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
