i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
