If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
