her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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