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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My vagina is officially offended.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
