textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize