I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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