last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize