Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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