so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize