I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
