I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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