if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
