hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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