I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
