You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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