hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize