Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
