turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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