where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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