I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if only i could text you this smell
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
