walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
