just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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