It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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