I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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