I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
