we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
