ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
