vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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