If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
