I could make wine with my vomit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
